Journey OM

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, on how the importance of sacred rites of passage and how this might look for a home funeral and home death care. Traditionally, over the past 150 years or so, we left the dead to the funeral parlor and director who came to take the body immediately from a residence or hospital. Which also meant getting to separate ourselves from our loved one and leaving the sacredness of body tending to others. Which is convenient, but perhaps, it has also removed our communities and families struggling with how to deal with death, and how to care for our dying person at home.

I can recall vividly the look of every funeral home I ever visited as a child and young adult; plush peach carpeting, paisley wallpaper, organ in the corner, silk flowers everywhere and those mints in glass bowls. The lighting is altered to a pinkish hue to help make the deceased look more “alive”, with often lights pointed directly upon their faces. Heavy makeup, and poised in their coffin for eternity. The staging was never unique to the person, the vibe is always the same; separate, outside of reach, and personally, I found it difficult to fully grieve in these settings.

When did this separation occur in our society? Why did to get so out of balance on how to care for our dead and how can we bring death care back into our communities? What ancestral knowledge, songs, rituals are lost and how can we retrieve or recreate these sacred passages? This is where my heart goes, and desire to hopefully help our communities not to have so much fear surrounding the dying, dead and care.

So, you ask, “What Makes a Funeral Alternative ?”

Alternative funerals allow us to reclaim death as a natural, sacred process. They invite us into the death space as participants of the care of our loved ones.

They might include:

1. Family-directed care of the body (washing, dressing, vigil-keeping)
2. Home funerals or outdoor ceremonies rather than funeral parlors
3. Natural burial without embalming, in biodegradable materials
4. Ritual and ceremony that engages the senses, spirit, and community
5. Personalized elements reflecting the person’s beliefs and essence
6. Active participation rather than passive observation
7. Connection to nature and the land
8. Integration of ancestral practices and earth-based traditions

The core principle: death is not something to be outsourced, sanitized, or hidden—it’s a sacred passage we can witness, honor, and facilitate together.

This article is not to bash the funeral industry as a whole, funeral directors play a vital role in assisting the family and community as being the resource outlet. They have connections, facilities and know-how that is important, and they can provide valuable assistance to a family to ensure they feel supported in their decision to care for their loved one at home. And the industry is responding slowing to home death care and home based funerals as well as alternative settings. The important step that often is missed, if you or a loved one is terminal, planning the funeral as it is envisioned, is so very healing; not just for the dying, but for their loved ones. Working with a end of life practitioner and funeral director is key to ensuring final wishes are carried out as easily as possible through a challenging and sad moment.